Over coffee · Giving thoughts a voice
For this moment
Breathe as though you were breathing time.
Dear reader,
Our becoming does not follow a smooth path. Sometimes it comes in waves and stirs up storms. Other times it brings fog and wind. All of it is trying to show us the way.
Sometimes we see better with our eyes closed.
I invite you to travel with me for a little while, through my storm.
Trying to play different roles
Trying to play different roles,
I forgot to slow down
and to breathe deeply.
Rigidity settled into me.
Hiding the wish to fit in,
I carried myself further and further
from the true belonging
my heart longed for.
Overnight, I became
surrounded by bars.
The beginning of the return
Decision after decision,
courage melted away
beneath the heaviest seed:
the one that would set in motion
the return to myself.
Death and birth,
lived together,
seemed to cancel each other out.
Left in the void,
I searched for myself.
I had no choice but to slow down.
The only light
was my breath.
It came from somewhere.
It went towards somewhere.
And I was in between.
The flight
The energy of all those who came before me
reached me.
Breathing,
I began to notice
what I had never seen.
The pleasant and the unpleasant,
all at once.
The longings gathered
and conspired around me,
pushing me towards becoming,
towards belonging.
The transformation (1, 2)
I climbed.
I fell into the void.
And I climbed again.
Every movement
came with an initiation.
I lost my sense of purpose.
The structures that had taught me what to say
were beginning to dissolve.
I needed a compass.
And it came.
In the form of remembering
my connection with the earth,
with nature
and with the creations of my hands.
Wings grew
where once there was a void that ached.
Dreams grew
where everything had seemed barren.
The boundless power of suffering
turned
into an inner joy,
unending,
of being alive
and of loving.
Belonging
I now hold, both at once,
suffering and joy,
integrated into a beautiful life.
The creations of my hands
and luminous thoughts
carried in flight.
Everything breathes
in the present form
of this eternal now.
With love,
Lavinia Kroner
MOSS and Magic
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